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A red and black postbox with Sakhi written on it. The postbox is placed in a yellow mustard field. Two Sakhis are sitting with their backs against the postbox. The Sakhi on the right is dressed in a green saree while one on the left is dressed in a pink saree. The background of the card is a blue post card with an Indian postal stamp in the top right corner.
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The Lesbian Postbox of New Delhi
A story of how Indian queer women found each other before the Internet
Swipe!
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An issue of Bombay Dost with headlines like “men seeking men hotline-XXL 69 69 XXL” and “Gay party at secret location”. The background of the card is a postcard in pink.
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The year was 1990.
Bombay-based social activist Ashok Row Kavi had just started India's first gay magazine - Bombay Dost. The magazine discussed gay men's desires openly.
It included cruising spots and other ways for gay men to find community.
But, what were queer ladies doing?
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A shirtless gay man in the bottom left corner and a woman in swimsuit facing sidewards in the bottom right corner. The background of the card is mustard yellow.
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Queer ladies were doing some cool things of their own!
"Queer women were doing some cool things of their own.
Women-loving-women (WLW) had been meeting at each other’s houses since the mid-1980s. Their aim? To organize and advocate.
But unlike gay men, these meetings were more underground. They called their meet-ups ‘single women’s’ nights.
Mere paas public toilets hai, seasides hai, train compartments hai, cruising spots hai. Tere paas kya hai?
Mere paas single Sahelis hai.
Phir someone had an idea
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A black and image of two women dressed in sarees playfully dancing. The image is placed in a yellow mustard field with the background of a blue postcard
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In 1991, four women from a WLW collective called the Delhi Group founded Sakhi. It was the first organization to call itself 'lesbian'
Sakhi wanted to reach out to desi lesbians and other queer women. They believed that using the term 'lesbian' would help them name and anchor their desires.
Find community,
belonging,
and each other!
But how to do this in a pre-digital era?
Card 5:
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An image of a red and black postbox with Sakhi written on it and letters flying out of it is placed in a yellow mustard field. In the centre of the card is an issue of Bombay Dost with the headline “Are you a lesbian woman? Do you want to find others like you? Write to our South Delhi mailbox.” The background of the card is a blue postcard.
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The members of Sakhi opened a postbox at Giti Thadani's house (in true analog style) and advertised it in Bombay Dost!
And soon, there was a flood of letters.
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Four postcards placed on a yellow mustard field. On the top left corner of the first postcard is an image of Falguni Pathak holding a letter and singing. On the top right corner of the second postcard is an image of Kajol dressed in white running holding a letter. On the bottom left corner of the third postcard is an image of a woman leisurely lying down while reading a letter. On the bottom right corner of the fourth postcard is an image of a woman reading a letter. In the centre of the four postcards is an image of Sredevi holding her hands open looking at the sky. The background of the card is a blue postcard.
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Women from cities big and small, all kinds of socio-economic backgrounds, wrote to Sakhi.
"I'm a 33-year old lesbian. I've never enjoyed sex with my husband. I feel emotion- ally & physically frustrated.
I need to talk to someone."
"Today, I read an article on lesbianism that revived my adolescent passions. In-laws would take my kids away if they found out. But I wish to know more. I want to meet the right women."
"When many lesbians share apartments, do they remain steady to their loves, or do they change partners often?"
"I'm sorry that in my letter there are only questions. It's a relief to write so openly to you."
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An image of Rekha holding and smelling a bouquet of red roses with petals and letters flying out of it. The image is placed on the bottom centre of a open blue postcard. The background of the card is mustard yellow.
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For many women, writing to Sakhi was like a big exhalation.
At Thadani's house (aka the Sakhi lesbian adda), the members personally read and responded to each letter.
So now, the women could write to others and become friends...
Or lovers, as it went.
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Three open postcards (two blue one pink) placed on a mustard yellow background.
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The Sakhi postbox allowed women to transcend the boundaries of home, the destiny of domesticity, and explore and desires and sexual selves. Imagine a different intimate life.
"Where can I get sex gadgets like dildos in India? Or books and films that show me some action?"
"Can you please send us notes about lesbianism and female bisexuality?"
"We want to learn lesbian sex techniques and provide it to other ladies here. I hope Sakhi will take the lead and guide us."- From a ladies' health club in Tamil Nadu
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Cutouts of three pairs of women are placed in a yellow mustard field. The cutout on the top left corner of the field is of woman happily holding the other woman by her waist. The pair in the centre towards the right is happily dancing with each other. The third pair placed in the centre towards left is holding each other’s hands. The background of the card is a blue postcard.
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While the activists in big cities were stressing over language and labels, the women writing to Sakhi were happy in simply knowing
There were others like them out there - to befriend, to belong with,
and to love.
In 1995, a face-to-face community called 'Women to Women' was formed in Bombay.
Card 10:
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A red and black postbox with Sakhi written on it. The postbox is placed in a yellow mustard field. Two Sakhis are sitting with their backs against the postbox. The Sakhi on the right is dressed in a green saree while one on the left is dressed in a pink saree. The background of the card is a blue postcard.
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The members of Sakhi eventually went in many different directions. But they had laid the foundations for communities and formal networks that grew across India,
The story of the Sakhi mailbox shows us that movements are born from political organizing. But also by sharing our emotional truths, by making space for our longings and desires.
Sources:
Dave, Naisargi N. “To Render Real the Imagined: An Ethnographic History of The Lesbian Community in India.” Signs, vol. 35, no. 3, 2010, pp. 595–619.
“Alternate Leaning.” The Outlook. February 6, 2022.
Vanniyar, Smita. “To Mingle and Make Friends Online: Lesbian and Bisexual Women in India and the Internet as a Safe.” (Master’s Thesis)
Vanniyar, Smita. “I Delete Myself: Anonymity And Sexuality Online.” Feminism in India. November 30, 2016.
