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Cyrus Broacha's Sexy Saturday Songs

1. Creep - Radiohead

If I had to begin the list I would begin it with this song. This is an iconic song for me where I felt that if I kept it as my anthem, most girls would feel some sympathy and thereby I would get lucky. They did. But the sympathy was for radio head not me. It is a self deprecating song that says that I don’t belong here and it is the lowest point of your life. There is no other way to go but up. More than pataoing the girls, it is about the failure of my gender, the lowest point of your life as a man where you accept your own reality. You stop with all the fraudgiri and realize where you stand, who you are and the importance of your role. This song sets up what is to follow.

2. She's not you- Elvis Presley

I really like the music from the 50s till the 70s and this is one of them. When you are passionate about something it shows and people start taking interest in it automatically. I am a huge fan of the king and I am his shotgun. This song has the most pataoing quotient. I have never met any girl who hasn’t liked the king and did not date a girl who didn’t like him. The curls in his voice, the versatility ranging from tenor to baritone and the roar of the tiger was everything you could want. When he would sing, I am sure the girls felt that he was caressing them with his tongue. He would make love to you with his voice. He was my back up partner through everything. He used all his glory with his unmatched voice and I used this with mixed results. The girls fell in love with Elvis and not me.

3. Sole Mio- Mario del Monaco

When he belts out the high. "C" you'll feel a sexual energy and indomitable sort of rush. At least I did and still do. This is not a warm up this is the crescendo. Mario was the most dramatic tenor from the neapolitan folk genre that came from Naples. Nobody could belt out a high C note like he could and he would do it twice just to show off. There is a testosterone, and masculinity in his voice that really pumps you up. Most sportsmen listen to him before going on the field. While elvis helps you with foreplay, Mario is all out macho and male like a tiger ready for battle. You should always have something like this from the left field that is out of the box and most women haven’t heard these songs. Mario makes you feel like a man and I recommend this to people over 40.

4. Ben Jonsons poem "drink to me only with thine eyes " sung by Tenor John Mcormack.

Arguably the greatest love lyrics ever written. If this doesn't put her in the mood, she obviously doesn't speak English. Ben Jonson was shakepeares contemporary and he wrote this poem for his lady love who unfortunately rejected his advances. He has been helping boys since then with his beautiful words. The soft lyrical performance the effective old fashioned romantic poetry will make the right person weak in the knees. It has worked for me. He talks about being intoxicated with her eyes and if you try this on a girl she might find you creepy or interesting. You can use poetry to bribe a girl is she is somewhat interested in you. There is no magic without it and these are you best weapons in the battle. It is very simple actually. Poetry is about romance, it helps you convey feelings like I want to hold your hand in the simplest romantic terms. It is such a simple, romantic and nice gesture.

5. The fab fours in my life- John Lennon

"But of all these friends and lovers their s no one compares with you and these memories lose their meaning when I think of love as something new". This puts your lover on the ultimate pedestal as only the greatest group that ever lived can. This is John Lennon at his best, but I'm a great fan of the singer not the song.  He talks about how everything is meaningless in life without his lover and how nothing makes sense and the world is dull without her. How everything makes sense when she is around and you pay an ultimate tribute through the greatest love songs ever written. Songs help you pay the ultimate tribute to the people you admire.

I once sang a beatles song ‘If I fell’ in harmony with 6 of my friends outside a girls balcony. The next day she came up to me in college and told me she doesn’t know what to do with me. I have used it super successfully many times. The combined raw sexuality tenderness empathy and pathos that the above artist conveys give you a great chance at sex. The rest is up to the right lighting. All these EDM songs sound like engineering defects to me. Songs help you get in touch with your emotions, move you and make people feel sincerely special. All these songs help with rejection, young love, passion, romance and the days gone by. Songs about organ failure, arthritis, knee pain and hair loss are for later.

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