My Asexual Fantasy

Intimacy is when one can just not sexually but also be intellectually, mentally, spiritually intimate with you. Connect almost at a telepathic level and sense each other’s emotions. 

I grew up watching and reading a lot of fairytales and highschool dramas as a kid – so my fantasy was to have a so-called perfect ‘highschool’ relationship. As an asexual person, caring>>>>sex. Another fantasy I have is to love someone unconditionally for the rest of my life like the Disney movies portray. The perfect happily ever after.

Sherlock Holmes has always felt very ace in my imagination. And I've always thought of his relationship with Watson as being a queerplatonic partnership. The books at least, reflect the deep love and commitment they have towards each other. I wanted to be Sherlock and have my very own Watson, to go on mystery solving adventures with. 

I've also fantasized about living together alongside all the people I love — friends and lovers alike. And them in turn bringing their own network of people. A community connected by love and interdependence.

I also crave a lot of domestic sweetness in all my relationships. When I think of my life with a queerplatonic partner, I imagine us doing life together — all the boring stuff like paying bills and cooking and cleaning, and buying groceries.

I have always prioritized intimacy over any ‘sexual’ activity. By intimacy, I mean engaging in meaningful conversations about life, dreams and everything in between, and spending quality time together. I’ve fantasized about a relationship where there is mutual understanding, trust, and obviously love. I crave emotional support and intellectual connection.  .

I’d also want to cuddle, hold hands and other forms of non-sexual physical closeness which helps me feel intimate with my partner. 

For me, intimacy is in the slower/softer moments of everyday life. Sipping a cup of coffee together, cooking together, going on a walk, watching something both of us like while cuddling/lying on each other's lap. Life is in some sense, monotonous, and finding moments like these in something that's sort of a routine is just unmatched. I've been taught to be ‘tough' all my life – so where do I find places to express my inherent softness? At least in a relationship, I want to be treated with extreme tenderness, both emotionally and physically. 

Another fantasy I’ve had is making out in a park or a forest – not rushed, but the slow kind – which is soft and sensual. And have a play date! Either play a game of badminton, or go on a long run.

Being on the aromantic, asexual, and agender spectrums all at once, but feeling like I'm not "100% ace/aro/age" has been a very difficult experience to explain to others. I can only have sexual fantasies while imagining both myself and the other person involved as fictional characters, with distinct characteristics. I'm never in a fantasy as ‘myself’, or with any ‘real’ person, in that sense – it might also be related to my experiencing some gender dysphoria. And it's always not just a hook-up; it's accompanied by an emotional attachment. I’d also like to have a lot of online connection aside from physical meetings.

“At queer events, people discuss very elaborate fantasies when asked what their favourite kink is. I sometimes feel like my fantasies are ‘basic’ or weird, I should be imagining something more sexual. But my fantasies are centered around understanding and care. Like tending to the wounds of someone I love who's injured even though blood makes me faint. Or a partner making me hot noodle soup after a long tiring day or vice versa.

Hair ruffles, soft touches, toes locking, holding hands, the weight of someone's body or head on me- I love sensory things like people playing with my hair or nose or scratching the back of my neck, or tracing their fingers over my palm– it’s very calming. It’s something I’ve done with friends, parents, partners, siblings and pets.  

My friends are also my partners and I'd love to celebrate 5 year anniversaries with them, or get them flowers. I don't believe in the hierarchy of romance over friendship.

 was tinkering with the fact that I might be asexual as early as 11th grade. I couldn’t relate when all my high school friends started talking about all these sexual emotions they were experiencing. In fact, even when I had a crush – I imagined myself talking to them, and then spending my life with them. I don’t think I’ve ever had a conventional fantasy, in that sense. I haven’t even had a crush on a celebrity or a fictional character. My fantasies have been about being able to be my true, crazy self and a person accepting me for who I am. 

I would also love to travel with them. I’ve always wanted to travel the world, and for the longest time I thought I would end up doing it alone. I’m looking forward to so much – and I would love to share that experience with someone who gets me and whom I can completely be myself around. 

I’ve had many crushes on anime characters, and I’ve spent a lot of time imagining spending time with that character, doing platonic, non-sexual stuff. I might have imagined something sexual, but nothing specific – it was more about exploring the idea of sex without actually having to do it with another person. A safe way to explore sex.

My fantasies are about finding a person whom I can share practically every aspect of my life with, or even multiple people – because you’re obviously not going to find the ‘perfect one’ with whom you can discuss all your hobbies with. Others may perceive it as having a best friend/s. Hobbies we can indulge in together – it doesn’t have to be sexual. I don’t exactly mind it, but I don’t care for it either. Can we talk about our interests? Being creative, engaging in things that mentally stimulate us, be it writing together, pottery classes or craft workshops.