A little bit about my past…Dekhiye, I admit I have a past - who doesn’t. I was the hot maal in the days of the kabutar, Omegle, BBM, Viber, FB, Whatsapp, Insta, and OMG Tinderrrrrrr….and bam. There came my death. People just DM one-another locations now, and meet up. MEET UP? HAMESHA? Mera kya hoga? I was left to the world of estranged lovers, or long distance flings; left, to think about the old days when poets wrote of me, when Shakespeare himself spent nights dedicated to me…Confused? Main hoon kaun? Well...people today fondly refer to me as ‘sexting’. Naam toh suna hoga. Now let me tell you how I got my name. If we do a sandhi vicched of my name, we get sex and texting: messages as a means to ‘getting some’. Abhi the medium may be your cell phone, but written sex has toh existed for a long time! Poems, letters, love songs, you name it...I have always existed to help people get it on, from over a distance, to be itne paas while itne door.What do you think Shakespeare implied when he wrote “Graze on my lips and if those hills be dry, stray lower where the pleasant fountains lie”, in Venus and Adonis? Purani English for Give it 2me bb, dheere dheere! What did Katrina Kaif mean when she sang “Zara zara touch me touch me touch me…” in Race?Then there was Bilhana who wrote an entire 11th Century ka sext poem!“And Still Today I hear the gentle tinkleof long bejeweled rings, dangling from her ears,glistening with drops of perspiration,chafing her gold-dusted cheeksas she bends over me, raving in her frenzy.`Her greedy lips suck at my mouth.”~ Caurapâñcâśikâ / The Collection of Fifty Verses by a Love Thief Basically, sexting can be in various forms. I range from flirting, to banter, to suggestive notes, to the now trending medium of text--sexts and photos! So, who better to teach you about me...than me? Do you have any questions for me?
How do I become a pro-sexter?Yes, sexting ambience is a thing. Just like good ol’ mood lighting and subtle fragrances, there are some basics that you can only benefit by nailing (punny, hehe). A common concern when sexting is dealing with the anxiety in your stomach--what if your partner is simply humouring you, and isn’t really into this? You can’t see their expressions, so how can you tell if they’re faking it?
Listening is a big part of sensing consent (or no consent)Ask, suggest, or send out a feeler, , before you begin. Watch for verbal cues, if they are hesitant or not interested altogether, respond by changing the subject, or laugh it off with a joke, they might not be at the same place you are in, in this textationship. If you don’t hear reciprocation don’t persist and take it to the next level. Also, it’s not just about the sex part - if you pay attention to the other person you will understand more about their tastes and preferences, which will help you take it to another level, should they reciprocate, because…. Pleasure is a great way to be consensual Just like in physical sex, it is important for both of you to have fun. Try to really understand your partner, so you know what they like and how they like it. Not only will this score you brownie points, but will make the whole act more enjoyable for both of you! If they like the aag, bring it. If they prefer it tender, go mellow and hot-sweet. Be watchful that your partner is having fun, and at ease.
Alternate for balanceIn all things sexual, there is no one size fits all, and there is definitely no standard way even for the same persons across days. Assess the mood of the day, the tone, the engagement and the level of mazaa. Be sure to mix it up to keep it interesting--you could be the initiator one day, and the passive engager the other. After all, sex has to be about both giving and receiving; one need not always be on ‘Top’.
Go Ahista Ahista!Take the time to create comfort and trust with your sext buddy, and we promise it will get better every time! No rush, slow and steady wins the race (even though this race usually has two-or more-winners!). Ease into the flow, go from flirty to sexty after assessing your partner’s pace, and comfort level; and whatever happens, make sure it is mutual.
Tumhe mirchi lagi, toh main kya karun?Sexting doesn’t always have to be talking dirty. A little goes a long way when sexting. Slow doses of mirchi are the best way to turn up the heat. After all, some say the best part about sex is the foreplay--why shouldn’t that apply here as well?Start with suggestions, like saying how someone is making you feel, and move forward to more directness or dirty-fun, response mutabik, of course - follow the verbal cues of your partner, the way you might a sigh or moan in physical life. The words you use and when you use them can be the difference between a meteor shower and a cold shower.
Don’t follow a templateTemplates are for budgets not individuals. Someone might need “I want you to hold me, to feel your skin on my body” and someone else, might be a “fuck me daddy” kind. Apply what you know about the person, and what you know brings you pleasure! Don’t unthinkingly mimic what you’ve seen in porn - pay attention to what’s going on instead. Even if you are unsure, that is part of the intimacy and fun.
It’s about enriching your word-or emoji - power
Emoji EncyclopediaEmojis, memes and GIFs can go a long way in communicating what the written word cannot. But sometimes, these emojis may be too hard to decipher. Like, if you got this text 🍆👄🎆. What does it even mean? Do they have a mindblowing baingan recipe they want to share? Here are some commonly used sexting emojis, with their associated meanings just for your ease:
Let things get stickyYou might also choose to use GIFs and memes, for subtle innuendos, or in-your-face forthrightness that words sometimes fail to capture. There are thousands of sticker packs, memes and gifs to help you add some magic masala!
Credits: Kawira Mwirichia and FriendsAn important element that these humorous sexting aids have in common is the fact that they ask your partner to join you in having fun. A sure shot way to put them at ease! Because...
It’s about the laughs and smilesFun fact/pro tip: Sex in real life is always a little awkward, funny and playful. You don’t have to sound like a porn dubbing track, have fun with it - humour always works! It could me in the form of memes and emojis to establish some comfort, or could be through a suggestive poem, or a song. A smile on your partner’s face when sexting with you, is a definite A+ on at least this writing assignment! Every sexual act has some amount of basic precautionary measures that you could only benefit from. Sexting ka bhi condom hai! Some basic tips to keep in mind when sexting with a stranger, or even a loved one.
1. Watch out for CatfishingTry to know your partner’s identity, to some extent. Catfishers are common in 2020, and you would like to at least know if the person you’re talking to is legit, or a distant-enough stranger.
2. The 2 Cs: Comfort and ConfidenceAs with sex, comfort is pleasure--the two go hand in hand. Don’t do anything you or your partner are not comfortable with. Know the power of no, and don’t hesitate to use it, or heed it when it comes from the other person. Sexting is a ton of fun, as long as you are in that comfy zone, which often comes with some confidence in your partner. Have a few conversations/meetings, unless of course, stranger danger turns you on. Make sure you are either okay with sharing pictures/intimate information, or have enough confidence in your partner to know it is safe with them.
3. Switch to boudoir picturesBoudoir photography employs sexual suggestion as opposed to obvious nudity. Try and send images that cover up the ‘private’ part of your private parts and/or protect your identity. This can help when you want to be flirty and suggestive while at the same time wish to take adequate digital protection.
4. For extra safety, some surakshit app/tech recommendationsWatch out for these phrases, to know if the app you are using takes basic precautions:
- End-to-end encryption: This ensures that the information remains secure between your partner(s) and you.
- Disappearing messages: The new fad of today, and a boon for avid sexters. Instagram, Snapchat, Facebook Messenger, and now, even WhatsApp, all have the disappearing message. Activating it will ensure your message disappears after 24 hours (or immediately after they have been read--it’s in your hands).
- Screenshot Notifier: A lot of apps tell you if the person has taken a screenshot of a message/picture that you have sent them. The best way to track their intentions, some might say! Dust, Snapchat, and Confide all have this feature.