“I miss our mid-afternoon candlelit Baby Johnson times”Maya (48 then, 48 now)This is not so much about sex, as the memories of sex.K, my ex-husband, and I separated four years back – fairly gracefully given that it was upon the discovery that he had been in another relationship for several years before that. However, as our child was young and we did not want it to be harder on her, we live fairly close to each other, meet often and do family things together. Our relationship is, by and large, cordial and supportive.K split up with his earlier girlfriend, and had a long-distance relationship for a couple of years. That ended as well, and he has started a new relationship with a very young married colleague.A recipe for disaster, in my opinion, but hey, it’s not my life.Since K and I are neighbours and our daughter is in the habit of walking over to his house when she likes, the new relationship means that new boundaries have to be drawn. One such random visit interrupted a romantic interlude, and I have been given strict instructions to keep her away unless by explicit invitation.What has taken me by surprise is the intensity of the memories that have come back. People’s sexual habits, I infer, do not change very much. K still likes sneaking out of office for mid-afternoon sex, still likes lighting a certain kind of candle, and clearly Johnson’s Baby Oil is still an essential ingredient.I am not – and haven’t been – in love with K for several years now, but suddenly this new romance is making me miss the mid-afternoon candlelit Baby Johnson times intensely. “As the night wore on he teased and begged and pleaded and wore my defences down”Lavanya (26 then, 28 now)I met this boy off Tinder, and contrary to how you expect these things to unfold, he invited me over to his friend's place for a drink. His friend (and her partner) turned out to be really interesting people, and I remember discussing movies, books and architecture with them while Tinder boy nursed a fever and a glass of brandy. He didn't talk much.At some point I realised how late it actually was, and how drunk we all were. I was new to the city and bunking with a friend then, so couldn't really head back at that point, and ended up going to the boy's place with completely ambivalent feelings about him. Then we spoke some more, and he kissed me, and things escalated as things do with enthusiasm from both of us. Only, when push came to shove, he confessed he didn't have a condom on him. I promptly clothed myself and suggested we do something else, except as the night wore on he teased and begged and pleaded and wore my defences down, till there came a moment I decided I didn't really care anymore and gave in. “I didn't know what to expect. I had never seen a naked male body before”Waspiana (22 then, 26 now)It was my first time. I didn't know what to expect. I had never seen a naked male body before.That night, the male body I saw happened to belong to my boyfriend at the time. I was curious. I admit I have seen too many Emraan Hashmi movies but porn was and is not my cup of tea exactly. So after some exploring and touching, I found there was nothing that exotic about the male body. I mean they have only one thing to use, mostly. And it happened that my then-boyfriend knew nothing about sex either, apart from porn. So the sex was disappointing and it hurt, since he could not find the right place to go in. And no, I didn't know that clits existed.Now that I am more wise and more experienced, I feel what a waste of time that night was…😀and how naive I was. Stupid actually, full of movie shit. Yes, sex is awesome when you know what exactly you want and how... After that night, I learned it’s all about pleasure. “It was exactly how I have always enjoyed sex. And then he made the move that took me over the edge”Sex Goddess (28 then, 28 now)We met on Tinder while he was in town from the US. December in Karachi is lit because expats are in town and you know they'll leave and there is no obligation to keep your awkward after-hookup chat going.I only had one other hookup from Tinder, before this. That time I had booked the room myself and felt like a pretty cool bitch, in charge of herself and her sexual agency. This time though, the guy came with perks from his job that meant he could book the hotel room. I met him once on a date just to suss out what kind of guy he was. He seemed alright; respectful, fun, with a very homegrown sense of self that I was immediately attracted to. I can't stand men who live abroad and when they're visiting the homeland, pick fault with everything.He was eager to move things along but what I liked the most was how chill he was. "Whenever you want, let me know," he said. I took a day off work and he booked the room.When we met in the room, he immediately went for the kiss and we made out. I LOVE having sex so I am always enthusiastically down for anything. We removed our clothes and got comfortable, touching and feeling each other.He went down on me and got me sufficiently wet. And when I asked for gentle bites on my nipples, he obliged. Overall, it was exactly how I have always enjoyed sex. And then he made the move that took me over the edge.He put my ankles on his shoulders and thrust so hard, I had the wind knocked out of me. His balls slapped against my ass making satisfying sounds, and because I was so wet, he slid in and out easily. He held my ankles and moved me back and forth with no trouble. I moaned and cried out in pleasure. If anyone had been watching, we must have looked like people in a porno. When he came, he sort of fell over me. I didn't orgasm, but I felt fantastic.Later, we showered together and I told him to cum in my mouth and I would swallow. Earlier, we had had some snacks and while sucking him my gag reflex was so bad, I vomited in the shower (it happens, guys!). The cum-in-my-mouth gesture was to make up for that minor embarrassment and also because I love swallowing.But the night was not over for this ho! His level of chill was such that he said he had to go home because his mom was alone, therefore, I could keep the room if I wanted to call someone else. I actually did, so I agreed.I had two more guys over though I didn't have sex with the third one. I just wanted to talk to him, though he and I had hooked up before. I adore him but I felt fulfilled. We talked about books and other random trivia. I left the hotel room around 10.30 pm, after eight hours of fun sex, conversation and living the best life I could on a December day in Karachi. “The next morning, I woke up to slut shaming messages from my friend and his girlfriend. He felt guilty and told her that we had sex”Overanxious (28 then, 29 now)My best friend from school and I made out for a bit during college. And after that we have both been in multiple relationships separately. Never had any feelings towards each other and never did anything more. He later started dating a former friend of mine and they were doing long distance when this happened. They had issues in their relationship and he was going through a bad patch and I was trying to be there for him while I was trying to work things out with my ex.One night he said he had finally broken up (he had been talking about it for weeks) and he was super upset so he wanted to get a drink. The previous night we had already been out as a group and I was really tired. But hearing him break down, I went out with him. We were both talking relationships and got really drunk. This was the time I had started therapy and he knew I was not in a good place and unfortunately neither was he. We decided to walk back home, which we have done in the past.On the way back he kissed me. I did not understand what was going on. We kept walking. I tried rationalising that it wasn't okay because he had just broken up and with someone very close to me. A former friend, but I really respect her and I have always hoped we would work things out.He told me that he was single and he really needed it and this would really help him. For me he has been my safe place for over 15 years so it all felt okay to me in that drunk state. So we came back to my place and while he was inside me I realised I didn’t want it anymore. By the time I formed a coherent sentence he was done inside me. I wasn’t sure of what to do. He left home. I had an I-Pill that I had got when I was dating my ex and slept.The next morning, I woke up to slut shaming messages from my friend and his girlfriend. He felt guilty and told her. The worst thing was someone losing all their trust and respect in me, and I did not ever want to be the cause of a relationship failing, let alone that of my two best friends.So I decided to face her. It tore me apart to hear someone so hurt thanks to me. And in all this I heard just a sorry from him, and nothing else. Funnily his girlfriend and I managed to resolve a few of our issues. The only good thing he had done in this was to tell her that I didn't want this at all, and it was on him.This guilt has eaten me up so much I decided to not work things out with my ex. I don’t have the guts to go tell him about this and he will never be okay knowing that I slept with my best friend.My friend was leaving the country for 40 days and so we decided to talk when he got back. He did get back and he never spoke to me. Every time there was a group plan, I found him missing. So one day when everyone was planning to meet I texted him separately and asked if he was okay with me coming and that if he felt uncomfortable I should be told. He cancelled and told me he wasn't going anyway, and we were okay. A few hours later he texted and told me he wasn't comfortable with me anymore. That’s it. I've got a "sorry", a random "happy birthday", and "I am not comfortable" – just these texts since he left my place.I have lost two of my best friends, the group I used to hang out with because I don't want to see him, and my depression is creeping back in full form. Worse, the trust issues I have been working towards resolving over the last few years have come back and hit me in full force, and I have taken this out on my other friend unnecessarily.The good thing is that those two are working things out and trying to get married. I am sitting scared, alone, anxious, and I feel that everything around me is crashing.
Sex Actually: Memories of Mid-Afternoon Sex, and Losing Friends
#METOO CONSENT SEX TINDER PLEASURE PERSONAL STORIES AOI PERSONAL STORIES CONDOM SAFE SEX SEXUAL POLITICS
Small Doubts: How Do I Respond to Unsolicited Advice About My Weight? Our #SexEtt column, this time about annoying nuskas.
‘Not because I have wisdom, but because I care’: An Interview with Suniti Namjoshi Poet, fabulist, lesbian - She tells AOI about her journey as…