WEIRD IDEAS PORN GAVE ME ABOUT SEX
Porn gives many ideas on pleasure & how to pleasure. In real life, sex, like everything else, can be messy, silent, and hairy.
Porn has been a feature in most adult lives, in varying degree. But what happens when porn is your only source of sex tuition? Can it give you some crackpot ideas? Make you think that sex should feel and look like that movie you watched at 14 while everyone at home was asleep? Does it make orgasms sound like the person is being murdered? Here, we’ve tried to bust the maddest myths that porn has given its unsuspecting watchers about sex.
Porn Myth #1: Designer Genitalia RequiredFrom watching porn, you would think that most guys have an enormous penis and that is a prerequisite to satisfying one's partner. You would also think that vaginas are only desirable if they're shaved and very pink or light-coloured. But fortunately, neither of these things is true: genitalia varies from person to person, and come in all shapes and sizes and colours. There isn't an ideal size or appearance that is guaranteed to turn a partner on.
Madhavi, 24, says, “It’s only when I had sex with someone with a massive penis that I realised it can, and often does, hurt when the man is very big. It also creates a hassle, like you need to be more aroused. I find smaller penises easier to manage. You can do much more because there’s less slippage too — it doesn’t fall out as often.”
Porn Myth #2: You Have to Be HairlessIt may be more common these days to expect that people always have to be waxed and shiny down there. Eighteen-year-old Tara explains that her first boyfriend asked her to shave down there because he couldn’t shake off the idea, that he’d got from watching porn, that hair on labia is disgusting. “I did the Brazilian wax at a parlour. Not because I thought it would make him happy, but because I thought I would feel sexier,” she says. “But I just felt weird. It looked bald. And then when the hair grew back, I was itching for ages.”But not only can going hairless be impractical and uncomfortable, it hasn’t always been the case that body hair was seen as undesirable. “Vintage” porn shows us that not so long ago, having body hair, and more specifically, pubic hair, was a perfectly normal part of sexy time.
Porn Myth #3: All Women Love Giving Oral SexPorn simply glosses over the fact that blowjobs are different in real life. For one, it makes going down on a woman and making her orgasm look like the easiest thing in the world, taking a mere three minutes when it could easily take up to 30.Porn might also make you feel like every woman loves giving blowjobs, which might not be true. And there’s also the whole ‘spit or swallow’ myth that porn has created, that somehow swallowing the man’s semen makes sex sexier than if you were to spit it out.
Porn Myth #4: Sex is All About PenetrationA lot of porn focuses on penetration, which often happens very early into sex. Now that’s boring for many people, for whom kissing and foreplay is the thing they enjoy most about sex. But here’s the real joke.Often putting the penis in, especially when you’re just starting to have sex, is a real battle. But porn makes it look as easy as sucking your thumb. Satish, 21, says, “Having sex for the first time is so complicated because you’re handling your own embarrassment and trying to get everything right. And all you have for reference in your head is wham wham wham. In reality it’s like this: ‘Is it in yet?’ ‘Why isn’t it going in?’ ‘Can you put it in?’ ‘Wait let’s put a pillow here and see if that helps.’”
Porn Myth # 5 Sex is Always Smooth and AwesomeEven once it’s finally in, porn can give you strange ideas about what your pace should be like when you’re having sex. But in real life, it can go from fast to slow to bumpy, and you might have to start over a few times. N, 27, has this grumpy story about porn: “The second or third time we were having sex and he told me he wanted me to be on top. I was a bit dodgy then about penis-wala, penetrative sex itself. So I suppose I was clumsy. Mr. Loverman said he wasn’t happy with how that had gone. Oh, how is it usually, I asked. I was asking sincerely until I heard the answer. ‘In porn women do it with a better sense of rhythm.’ I was like, kya, is this a Bharatanatyam recital? Bye, bye.”But not everyone is like Mr. Loverman, and you can work out a rhythm that works for you.
Porn Myth # 6 Everyone Except You is a Sexual GymnastPorn can make you feel like you have to go on having sex for unreasonably lengthy amounts of time, that you have to try all the positions, that as a man you have to get erections one after another, or that as a woman you have to have at least three orgasms. But actually, many women don’t orgasm from vaginal sex, and men often do need to take breaks between orgasms. Sometimes you need a break just because you’re out of breath!
Porn Myth # 7 Sex Always Requires a Noisy SoundtrackThe one complaint everyone seems to have about porn is the fake noises that you feel you have to make so that the other person knows you’re having a blast. “I’m a very quiet guy, and I don’t moan at all in bed. And the girl usually gets weirded out and asks if I’m not enjoying myself. I’m 100 percent sure that’s because, in porn, guys do all these grunts and say horny-sounding things,” says Nishant, 33. He’s not alone in feeling the music-making pressure either. Porn can also give women the odd idea that a constant running soundtrack of delirious moaning is vital, or your sex skills are kachha. Usha, 27, says it’s been so long since her first time at 15 that she hardly remembers anything about it but the one thing that still stands out is the noise. “The first time I had sex, I thought there would have to be a lot of noise. So I ended up moaning a lot. Panting when I didn’t really want to.”
Porn Myth #8 If You Just Show Up at Someone’s House Sab ho JayegaPorn will make you think that if you show up to someone’s house for whatever reason, and fidget at their door, then sex follows automatically. “My biggest problem with watching a lot of American porn is that it made me think for a long time as a teenager that careers like pizza delivery boy, plumbing, and TV repair guy were real things that would get you steamy sex,” says 29-year-old Abhishek.Okay Abhishek, your crushed professional dreams are not our problem. We’re not saying porn dekhna band karo at all. It can, of course, be a source of healthy pleasure. But it’s true that porn can also give you lots of odd ideas about pleasure and how to pleasure. In real life, sex, like everything else, can be messy, silent, and hairy.