Is being on your own during the Lockdown for Covid-19 giving you “gande-gande khayal”?
But then are those thoughts of sexy times leading to any of the following thoughts?
- When will I have sex again? (Or, for those who are still looking forward to a first time with someone else, “Will I ever have sex?”)
- Even when the lockdown lifts, abhi toh, can we ever actually have sex again, or are we going to be scared of touching and hugging and all that nice stuff?
- Are these corona warning songs part of our lives forever? (ha ha, just kidding)
So Agents, if you are thinking these thoughts, why think them alone? Let’s discuss them.
You can have sex even now, in physical isolation. Because, masturbation, as we know, is simply sex with yourself. Just that you have to be extra careful. Wash your hands for 20 seconds before you do anything – this always applies, no matter what.
Experiment with the masturbation. Look forward to it. Make it into a gourmet meal. Find new erotica. Think up new scenarios at leisure.
You don’t have to figure it out all by yourself though. Have you seen AOI’s amazing Masturbation Tips (all 30 of them?). You could try them, one a day, and look forward to some earth shaking orgasms.
Also, dare we say, keep notes! That way, you might be able to write a most awesome, lajawab type love poem to masturbation when our poetry contest rolls around in May, like all these people and, well, these people!
This is a new time for us. We are thinking about our bodies in terms of safety in more ways now. We need to think about this with respect to sex, by thinking through the ways we have sex.
No one knows for sure right now if Coronavirus is present in bodily fluids, but it has been identified in stool. And once you’ve had sex, or kissed, there’s no protocol for trying to get ride of the virus like washing, showering etc. So here are some basic practices to follow for now, till we get more clarity. Let’s call them practices and not rules, because we don’t want what starts as a safe practice becoming a moralistic rule, right?
1) Limit your sexual partners for now. Avoid having sex with many different partners for the time being. This does not mean having multiple partners causes Coronavirus – just that physical contact with multiple people is a thing to avoid for ALL PEOPLE OF ALL GENDERS AND ORIENTATIONS AND RELATIONSHIP CHOICES, OK? Ok. This does not mean you cannot meet people online – you just might be better off keeping it online for now.
2) If you are in a relationship, restrict having sex to with your domestic partner, unless they are at-risk of the virus (go out a lot, have just returned from travels or been in contact with travelers or affected people). In which case please avoid till it’s surely safe.
3) Kissing and annilingus may be tricky options currently so keep that in mind.
4) Ramp up the condom use – maybe even on your fingers.
5) If you are LGBTQI+, here are a few safety suggestions put together by Sri Lankan queer activists for particular contexts like on living with HIV or chest binding:
When we feel depressed and isolated we may feel tempted to seek contact. Here are two suggestions:
1) Seek some online counseling, to help with the depression. There is a list here of some queer friendly counselors, put together by Nazariya in Delhi
2) Meet people online, sext, video-sex, audio-sex, flirt or simply talk. Remember you are not alone in this need right now, and we are all in this struggle together.
Sex toys are fine if you are using them alone. If you are sharing them – wash, wash, wash well! But you know what? You should be doing that anyway na? Just do it extra. Here’s a guide to know how to clean different kinds of sex toys.
IMPORTANT NOTE – don’t apply santiser on sex toys and then use! Sanitiser can cause vaginal and anal irritation so if you sanitise, then wash with soap and water again after and give it a rest before use.
Consent continues to apply. Safe digital practices like not sharing passwords or revealing location if you aren’t absolutely secure, continue to matter, with or without Coronavirus.
You may be anxious about touch, and that might be a buzzkill. But in a way we can come to a positive place with respect to sex and desire now, if we are willing to take it slow, to begin a journey of exploration and understanding our own sexual selves – as well other people we encounter – at leisure, aaram se, hallu hallu.
We don’t have to think of this time only in terms of what is forbidden – not only what we cannot do, but rather, what are the new ways we can think about sex and pleasure? And it’s a good time to remember that genital contact is only one part of sexual pleasure. There is a lot more to intimacy and sex!
1) KHUD SE PYAAR, ALONG WITH YAAR
Masturbating together in fact may be an exciting intimacy. A whole new level of so far, yet so damn near, kya? You can tell each other sexy stories, you can watch each other, you can admire each other, you can come together in one sense, an exciting and also literal sense.
It’s also a time to try out other ways of having sex with a long-term partner. To experiment and learn about each other sexually.
2) IDEAS FROM ANCIENT TEXTS, BOLE TOH OLD HINDI FILM SONGS
Those old Hindi film songs are a full-on text of pyaar from afar, without sacrificing erotics! Jaisiki
Masks can be sexy. Make a transparent glittering one for yourself. Exchange smouldering looks, while strumming something suggestively. These folks seem to be having a good time.
The telephone is a sex toy! Telephone sex is hot. You can sext, but that aawaz in your ear and your imagination for company, bahut delicious. You can do it from different houses, but you can also do it from different rooms? Check this telephone as sex toy song.
Telephone lurve is also nice – just tell someone you miss them. Intimacy is about so many different things. And being romantic is one of them. Don’t say you shutup at the end however, unless you are ready with a plan for make-up phone sex!
Teasing each other in good faith, can be kind of fun too. This oldie-goldie could be a good start. Not only is it a yummy prescription for delayed gratification, but also a fun alarm tune to set off in your head every time you want to lift a hand to touch your loved one’s face or your own. Make the build-up to eventual better times masaaledar with some tadka of tease!
3) Send each other erotic poems. There are some on Agents of Ishq, here, here and here, on Agents of Ishq to get you started. But it’s a good time to look for new ones too. Better still, write one, send it to us also, we also want some love.
4) Or read out an erotic story to each other and send a voice note? Here’s a whole erotic reading list for you.
Sexting can be great fun if you spend time on it. Figure out what the other person enjoys, flirt a little, tease some more, then get down to some down and dirty directness. If there was one time to learn a basic truth about sex, it is this: taking it slow, means you can pay more attention to yourself, to the other person, to what you’re fantasizing and writing for a gourmet meal of sext-iness
6) Video Sex
If you are comfortable, you can get on a video call to get it on, always being consensual, considerate and willing to experiment. Go as far as you are comfortable and unself-conscious going. It’s good to tell a new partner or if this is new with your older partner, what you are or not inhibited about. One, because you don’t want to feel forced to do anything. Two, because you don’t want to be unfair and have the other person strip and then feel mortified because you say you aren’t cool with it suddenly.
7) Don’t fall into the melodrama ki vajah se reckless trap. To tempting invitations and emotional blackmail to come on over, suggest waiting a little, jaise ki…
8) Share your learnings!
Remember, this is new for all of us and we will all be discovering stuff as we proceed. Share your learnings when you are ready so we can all have better intimate lives, with or without corona.